My life has become a long quest to resolve a crisis of faith.
It’s not just about religion or theology, though. It’s about all of life. I didn’t even recognize what was going on when it started. At one point, everything made sense. I had a coherent worldview. That’s what I thought anyway — until the foundations of my life broke down, one by one.
When I was young, everything made sense to me. I had what seemed to be a coherent “theory of everything.” I knew The Truth, not because I had found something, but simply because I had grown up being taught exactly how things ought to be.
My understanding of The Truth wasn’t just about theology or God or anything so narrow. I had an integrated set of beliefs about reality. About everything. They all fit together — like the parts of a beautiful building.
My “theory of everything” was a work of great art which had been designed with mathematical precision — by an architect who was also a great engineer.
The central pillar of that structure of beliefs was my father. Even though I now understand that my family was deeply dysfunctional, I believed that everything my father taught me was right and good. I got angry with him at times and I pushed back in small ways, but I was ultimately too afraid to rebel against this god-like father who ruled my life.

When people identify with their masters, freedom is hard to accept
This burning question divides us: Why can’t you people be like me?
If president can just ignore laws, what’s the purpose of having laws?
They’re just images of past love, but I can’t make them go away
Republicans edge closer to inevitable choice of Romney to face Obama
Trendy ‘anti-racists’ don’t realize they’ve been conned by Marxists
When you make your life choices, you also pick the consequences
Is it persistence or stubbornness to keep chasing uncertain outcomes?
Past feels like blurry watercolor, not like the history of real people