David McElroy

I was fighting for dominance long before I understood hierarchy. In classrooms, on playgrounds, and on neighborhood fields, I considered it natural that I should be in charge.

I didn’t necessarily like most other people. I didn’t much care whether they liked me. But it was important to me to have as much control as I could get. If I couldn’t have leadership of the larger group, I would at least be the leader of the opposition — those who refused to go along. It was rarely open conflict, but everybody knew which few were competing for power. I was always one of those.

I read a long diatribe online today from a woman who was denouncing “male power hierarchies.” She claimed they were an instrument of “white supremacy” and she claimed white men were trained in this “unnatural power system” in order to oppress minorities.

I had to laugh. Nobody ever taught me to want dominance. Humans are naturally drawn to form dominance hierarchies and certain people among groups want power. Some people tend to be given power, even though some of them — those like me — weren’t the best liked. And this woman who was ranting would be shocked at the vicious power hierarchies among groups of young black men I’ve known. Is their hierarchy all about “white supremacy,” too?

Humans need hierarchies. We couldn’t survive without them. I can’t explain how we decide who gets power in a room, but we’ve all been in plenty of situations when we’ve known — without words — who was in charge and who would lead us.

I’ve sometimes been the one in charge — and I’ve sometimes been the one pushing power buttons to disrupt someone else’s control of a group. Like it or not, these are essential human skills.

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I don’t want to change your political views, no matter what you believe.

As long as you vote, I don’t care who you vote for. As long as you want your side to “take back the country” from “those people,” I don’t have much to say about it. I might agree with you that “those people” are evil for controlling everyone, but that doesn’t mean I approve of your side, either.

There was a time when I wanted to lead this country — through political power — and make the changes that I believed were right. I volunteered in political campaigns. Then I spent years as a highly paid political consultant. I assumed that change should happen through this electoral system.

In my more naive political days, I thought “the people” would follow me when I showed them what was right. Then in my more realistic period — as a political professional — I understood that campaigns were merely about making voters believe that my candidate was on their side. For reasons that I’ve explained many times, I came to understand that this system was immoral — because it was based on forcing one group to obey another group.

Today, I know that partisan politics doesn’t matter. As evil as politics can be — and as much as I detest the narcissists on both mainstream sides who impose their will on us — I understand they’re equally wrong.

I don’t want to change people’s politics anymore. Instead, I want to cause people to examine their assumptions about human life and society. I want to create art and other works that will entice people to look at their unexamined assumptions and say, “I’d never thought about that in this way before. What if I’ve been wrong?”

I want to quietly invite you to discover a new way of thinking — a way that will make all of your old political ideas seem irrelevant and obsolete.

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I’ve been treading water in my life — not sure which way to go — for roughly a decade.

If you’ve read what I’ve said lately, you know that I’m ready to finally change that. In some audio last week, I explained why I have to stop trying to be what other people might want me to be. A few days ago, I shared with you the specifics of a couple of short films I’m working on, even though they scare me.

But I’m still paralyzed by fear of taking steps that could close off certain choices forever. There are a dozen doors through which I could go right now. Probably many more than that. But choosing one of those doors will close some of the other doors forever.

I’m afraid of making the wrong choices. I’m afraid of choosing a path that will take me somewhere that doesn’t match the needs of whoever I might marry in the future. What if my choice takes me away from someone I love?

I feel as though I have only one more chance to get things right insofar as having a wife and family. I don’t want to blow my chance.

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