David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

What did you want in childhood? Did you abandon those dreams?

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When I was 10 years old, all I wanted to do was command a starship and be like Captain James T. Kirk.

I was obsessed with Star Trek reruns. I loved the real-life U.S. space program and I had eagerly watched the moon landings. I loved science and technology and adventure. But my reasons for loving Star Trek went far beyond that.

In Captain Kirk, I saw a template of what I thought I should be. He was tough and brave and smart and principled. He was respected by his crew and his opponents. He was a leader, not because of his rank, but because of his confidence and the way he carried himself.

I wanted to command men and women in the same way. I wanted people to follow me as we did great things. It just seemed so natural.

In his book, “U-Turn: What If You Woke Up One Morning and Realized You Were Living the Wrong Life?,” Bruce Grierson suggests that you’ll find clues about what you ought to be doing now if you’ll look back to what you wanted and what you loved when you were 10 or 12 years old.

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What do I really want in life? Honestly? I want your attention

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I’ve spent my whole life begging to be noticed — but it took me a long time to realize this.

It was the summer of 2005 when I finally got the finished DVDs of my short film. I was bursting with pride about having made something I was proud of. I wanted my father to be proud of me. I gave him a copy of the DVD and waited for him to say something, but he didn’t say a word.

Several times over the next couple of weeks, I asked him if he had watched it yet, but each time, he said he hadn’t had time. The film was only 10 minutes, so that stung a little. The next time I was at his house — and nobody else was there — I told him we were going to watch it right then.

I played it for him, but he didn’t seem interested. It was an uncomfortable 10 minutes. Afterward, he had very little to say. I felt deflated and hurt. The two dozen film festivals that had accepted my film and the awards it had won didn’t matter. I wanted his praise.

I’ve come to realize that this has been a painful template for much of my life. I don’t like admitting this. I feel as though I’m in therapy again to talk about it. But I’ve spent my whole life begging to be noticed. It’s been a very unhealthy part of my life.

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KKK-loving newspaper owner has always been a nut; this isn’t news

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When I stepped into the offices of The Democrat-Reporter in Linden, Ala., I was stepping into enemy territory. I was the newly appointed editor and publisher of The Demopolis Times, a larger newspaper about 15 miles north of Linden.

Goodloe Sutton was the owner and publisher of The Democrat-Reporter, which was my only local competition, so I wanted to meet him and establish a friendly relationship. My paper was far more successful than his, enough that his paper wasn’t really competition for the readers and advertisers we targeted.

I asked for Sutton and explained who I was. The person at the front to whom I introduced myself looked startled and went to another office.

“I don’t want to talk to anybody from the Demopolis Times,” I heard a belligerent voice bellow from the back a few moments later. As the woman walked back toward me, he called after her, “And tell him not to come back.”

That was my one and only interaction with the strange man who has lately achieved national notoriety for his bizarre editorials calling for the Ku Klux Klan to “clean out” politicians in Washington, D.C.

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