David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

David McElroy

What if we’re more talented than our inner fears allow us to admit?

By ·

I’ve always been terrified to believe I’m talented.

It was easy to believe I was smart. School work came easily, so my grades were good. Everybody told me I was smart. I had objective measures that showed I performed better than other people.

But talent was a much scarier issue. I could take IQ tests or other standardized tests which seemed to prove I was bright. But there were no tests for talent. No matter what I did, I was always terrified that it wasn’t good enough. Even though other people told me they loved the creative work I did, I was scared to get my hopes up.

So I lied to myself. Maybe you do, too.

Writer V.S. Naipaul famously wrote, “The only lies for which we are truly punished are those we tell ourselves.” And my self-deception about my talent has held me back time and time again.

Keep Reading

Related Posts

Briefly: Today, I feel like taking six months off to make a film

By ·

This is a day when I’d like to walk away from work for six months or a year and go make a film instead. Not necessarily as a way to get wealthy or as something to do for the rest of my life, but just to take a defined chunk of time and make something I could finish quickly. It was December 2004 when I shot my only existing short film (“We’re the Government — and You’re Not”) and it played in 20 film festivals over the next couple of years. It even won some audience favorite awards. It was a big deal to me. That short represented where I was then, but it’s nothing like what I’d make today. The YouTube version has more than 300,000 views, but the Vimeo version is better quality. As I thought about all this tonight, I pulled out scripts I’ve worked on since then and was surprised to find they were surprisingly good. I don’t really think much now about making a living this way, but I’d still like to make some art. Taking the time off to do it now is not financially feasible, but if it were even remotely possible, I would walk away today without a second thought.

Related Posts

Living behind a mask means you won’t allow real self to be loved

By ·

You know exactly what everybody wants you to be — and you have a different mask to present to each one of them. You have a script to follow to make every audience praise you.

At work, you perform as expected — even better than expected — and you get attention and praise. But nobody ever knows the real you.

Among your friends, you have a different script. They expect you to be some particular thing — and you perform perfectly based on what they expect. But none of your friends ever know the real you.

At home, you know what your family expects to see from you — and you perform that script perfectly, too. But unknown to them, not a single one of them gets to know the real you.

In the moments when you allow yourself feel anything, you are bitterly lonely.

Keep Reading

Related Posts