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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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Suicide ends pain of depression, but scars loved ones left behind

By David McElroy · September 16, 2019

From the outside, everything looked perfect for the family. The 32-year-old husband and his 28-year-old wife had three beautiful little girls. They had a nice house in an affluent suburb of Mobile, Ala. He was a well-paid management employee at a manufacturing plant. They seemed to have everything.

And then everything changed about a week ago.

Early one morning, he took his two older daughters — 7 years old and 4 years old — to a dental appointment and then took them to school. He came home, where his wife was taking care of the 8-month-old.

He got something to drink. He ate something. He told his wife he loved her. And then he left the room.

Moments later, his wife heard a gunshot. She ran to a bedroom and discovered her dead husband. He had gone into a closet and shot himself.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: death, depression, suicide

Hidden crisis of missing intimacy leaves many ‘together all alone’

By David McElroy · September 15, 2019

I’m sitting alone in a fast-food restaurant Sunday evening. There are people everywhere. A family with a couple of unhappy little girls. Tattooed men who rode up on motorcycles. Older couples dressed for church. Sullen teens ignoring each other and staring at their phones.

There’s noise all around me. Beeping machines in the kitchen. People shouting at children. An angry manager yelling at employees.

But I might as well be alone. The earbuds attached to my iPhone play music which drowns out the environment. The unreal world of social media on my MacBook is actually more real to me than any of these people are. They’re like cardboard cutouts with faces. I don’t know them and they don’t know me. And they don’t know each other.

We have more communication devices than ever. We don’t even go to bed without them. Media no longer just talks to us. Our most popular media is “social media.” These are the choices we’re making.

So why do so many feel so alone? Why is real human intimacy harder to find than ever — especially from the people who are supposed to know us best?

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Filed Under: Uncategorized

The moon represents what I seek, but words are all I can offer now

By David McElroy · September 14, 2019

I’m driven tonight by a restlessness which has no name.

I’m looking for something, but I can’t remember what I’m looking for. I’m trying to fill a hole, but I can’t look into the hole to see what’s missing. There’s something priceless which is almost within my grasp, but it disappears when I turn to take it as my own.

As I left dinner, I couldn’t bring myself to go home. Whatever I needed — whatever I was looking for on this restless night — was not there. I was hungry, but it wasn’t for food. I was thirsty, but it wasn’t for water or any drink.

My soul was crying out in a silent scream which I couldn’t put into words but which overwhelmed me like a storm on the inside trying to break out of my raging heart.

I drove north on a small two-lane road out into the country. There were a few houses but no other signs of development. Everything was dark except for my headlights and the bright full moon above me.

And like an ancient sailor who was driven by the wails of sirens he couldn’t resist, I wanted to reach out for the moon. Surely what I seek must be there.

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Earlier this week, I found two photos of Lucy and Earlier this week, I found two photos of Lucy and me that I had never seen. I loved finding the pictures, but seeing these photos left me thinking about the effect it has on us when we lose an animal we love — and it was also a reminder of how much my life has changed for the last nine months it’s been since I lost her. I wrote an essay about this. You can find it as the most recent post at davidmcelroy.org right now if you’re interested. I really do miss this sweet girl.
When I take lightning pictures, I’m always hoping When I take lightning pictures, I’m always hoping to get just one usable photo, but I got two dramatic images tonight. You might recognize the water tower and communication tower that you’ve seen in many of my sunset photos. This is about a mile from my house in Leeds, which is just east of Birmingham.
For those who are in places where it’s miserably h For those who are in places where it’s miserably hot today, here is a minute of light rain and gentle thunder from my back yard late Saturday afternoon. It’s very relaxing to stand at my back door and watch this, especially since the heat is pretty mild today — 80 degrees (about 26 celsius) — for July in the American South.
Alex was willing to cooperate with me for a new po Alex was willing to cooperate with me for a new portrait late Wednesday night. It’s been roughly three and a half years now since the cold night when I was able to lure him out from behind a garbage dumpster into a trap — but I don’t think he’s sorry at this point that he fell for the trick. 😺
This is the face of a man who’s thrilled that the This is the face of a man who’s thrilled that the weekend is finally here. It was a very long (and productive) week, but the time has finally come that I have time to write and read and think. Late Friday night, I’m at the McDonald’s near my house with a Diet Dr Pepper and a MacBook. For me, it’s like Cheers without the booze.
Donald Trump has figured out who to blame for the Donald Trump has figured out who to blame for the the D.C. Reflecting Pool turning green. The dastardly deed was carried out by a specially trained squad of Antifa cats trained by the Far Left. It’s not his fault. Arrest all the cats! #satire #parody
This was the sunset that faced me as I left Walmar This was the sunset that faced me as I left Walmart near my house just a few minutes ago. It was a beautiful light show for just a few minutes.
Here’s proof that reality and satire are indisting Here’s proof that reality and satire are indistinguishable these days.
This was the sunset I saw from the parking lot out This was the sunset I saw from the parking lot outside of the Walmart near my house just after the sun went down Friday evening.
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Sam just woke up from a long nap on that window si Sam just woke up from a long nap on that window sill — and he‘s not yet sure where to take his next nap. It’s tough to fit all of the planned napping into his busy Monday schedule.
From the CritterCam: At 3 a.m., the night vision m From the CritterCam: At 3 a.m., the night vision mode of the webcam shows Alex engaging in a pretty vigorous bath as he’s curled up in his bed ready for sleep.
Oliver is in may lap Sunday night and Sam is stand Oliver is in may lap Sunday night and Sam is standing on the bed just a few feet away watching us. There are times when I suspect he’s confused by the degree to which the other two cats seek out contact with me.
From the CritterCam: Alex seems to know I’m watchi From the CritterCam: Alex seems to know I’m watching him on the webcam, because he’s looking directly into the lens. He really does appear to be posing for a portrait.
Alex was already curling up to go to sleep in the Alex was already curling up to go to sleep in the cat bed on my desk when I went to the office to tell the cats good night at 2:30 a.m. He raised his head to see what I want and I got a quick shot, but he was curled back up within seconds. All the lights are off in the office now and all three of them are asleep.
This is the way Alex sees himself at all times. 😺 This is the way Alex sees himself at all times. 😺
I still warms my heart that two of my three cats t I still warms my heart that two of my three cats today actually like attention. I went for years with a bunch of cats who didn’t want any lap time and didn’t want to be held. So I’m still inclined to show off Alex and Oliver when I come in and they’re eager to see me. (It’s far less common for Sam to show interest.) When I got home tonight, Alex was purring and eager to be picked up — and it made me happy.
From the CritterCam: Almost two hours after I kept From the CritterCam: Almost two hours after I kept seeing Alex trying to get Oliver to get out of his bed on my desk, the tabby boy has won his battle — but it seems as though he’s remaining vigilant just in case his gray brother comes back.
From the CritterCam: Oliver has been sleeping in t From the CritterCam: Oliver has been sleeping in the cat bed on my desk at home and Alex keeps coming over there to see if he can nudge him to get up — so he can have that sleeping spot for himself. 😺
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It turns out that the radical far left has been training “Antifa cats” to sabotage anything important to Donald Trump. Everything he did was perfect. Honest. It was all the cats’ fault. Arrest all the cats! This is the latest of my ridiculous satirical shorts. Please go watch it. Then “like” it and subscribe. Please. I’m begging you. (Too much?) Although a couple of the previous videos have had views in the hundreds, most have still been seen by fewer than 20 people. So I seem to be having trouble letting people know that page exists.

Here’s the latest of my ridiculous parody shorts. It crossed my mind Tuesday to wonder what a slick and fast-talking car dealer might do right now to try to turn the high price of gasoline to his advantage. So I conceived of a fat and lovable character who tried to sell cars that don’t use any fuel — and then I started wondering if it would be funnier if all the characters were felines. Designing the King Cashpaw character took about four hours, but the rest took only another four hours, so this was a relatively quick piece that virtually wrote itself. I know it’s almost impossible for these parody videos to find a larger audience, but at least they amuse me — and there are 19 of them on my YouTube page now. The first few were very limited, but they’re getting more complex.

The Republican Party is dead. It still exists in name, of course, but it’s nothing but a shell. All that’s left are idiots and stooges and con men of the MAGA party. When Donald Trump is gone — which won’t be long — those populist idiots and pragmatic fools will have no one to follow. Democrats will thrive. They will take more power than ever and they will push the federal government further to the radical far left than ever. When that happens, don’t just blame Trump if you’re a conservative. Blame every person who has claimed to be a conservative and has given up on principles, character and everything else that Republicans once claimed to stand for. As someone who worked as a GOP political consultant for many years, this is disgusting and disturbing to me. Those who have enabled Trump to have almost unchecked power are going to be shocked when they see what they will unleash in the long run. It’s been plain all along what this narcissistic con man is. It’s your fault that you chose to pretend not to see what he really is.

We are ruled by the dumbest and most incompetent people among us — and we have a system which allows stupid and irresponsible people to force the costs of their idiocy onto smarter and wiser people. Can we get away with that? Yes, for quite some time. But we eventually reach a point at which the dumbest of the dumb — who are habitual liars and mentally ill fools — lead us to the disasters and destruction that some of us have seen coming for years. We are approaching that point. And yet most of the idiots around us still wave their rhetorical banners of support for the evil people who are leading us to ruin — and all of them point their fingers at someone else, never noticing that their own enthusiastic support of evil is to blame. When things finally fall apart, blame yourself for your blindness to the evil, not whoever happens to be in power when it happens.

I’ve been making some changes to the site lately and there are more changes coming in the days ahead, so don’t be surprised if you some small differences. This is not a wholesale redesign, but rather the addition of some features. Since they’re smarter than I am, I’ve put Oliver and Alex in charge of the technical work, which you can see in this action photo from the control room of our media complex. I recently added a series of landing pages for readers who randomly discover the site from an Internet search. I’ve also changed the YouTube link at the top of the page to go to the new YouTube channel for video essays that reflect things I’ve already published here. (Here’s a little bit about both of the YouTube channels I’m working on.) In addition, I’m trying to move away from using Instagram, so I’m experimenting with photo plug-ins that will eventually allow me to host the pictures — cats, dogs, sunsets, whatever — that I often take. So don’t be surprised to see more changes. Thanks for your patience. Let’s hope Alex and Oliver know what they’re doing.

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