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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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UPDATE: Major changes coming to this website in the next few months

By David McElroy · July 5, 2018

When I started this site seven years ago, less than 7 percent of the traffic came from mobile devices. Only slightly more than 4 percent came from iPhones and less than 3 percent came from Android devices. Seven years later, everything has changed.

In 2018, almost 36 percent of the traffic comes from iPhones. Another 24 percent of you come from Android devices. That means 60 percent of you come from mobile devices. (For the rest, it’s 27 percent from Windows, 10 percent from Macs and everything else combined for the remaining 3 percent.)

This site was never designed with mobile traffic in mind. In 2011, mobile devices were afterthoughts for most websites. My code gives mobile users the same experience desktop users get — and that’s simply not good enough anymore.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized

Will you uncover your blind spots? Or will you ignore red flags again?

By David McElroy · July 4, 2018

Human beings tend to make the same mistakes — over and over again — but we can be incredibly slow to recognize what we’re doing to ourselves.

I used to ignore red flags in relationships, at least until it was too late for me to deal with them gracefully. As a result, I made the same sort of mistakes again and again — and I was too blind to realize what I was doing for a very long time.

It’s very rare for me to fall in love. I can count the instances of long-lasting romantic love in my life on one hand — and probably have fingers left over. But when I recognize what I want, it’s easy for me to become blind to a woman’s faults. It’s easy for me to make excuses for her. It’s easy for me to assume her tremendous strengths will eventually overcome the scary weaknesses that lie hidden inside her.

As a result, I’ve put a few women on pedestals — only to find that real flesh-and-blood human beings don’t belong on pedestals — because they’ve disappointed me with weaknesses which I didn’t anticipate. I ignored red flags — because I was oblivious to my blind spots.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: blind spots, counseling, love, psychology, red flags, relationships

Very few things warm my heart and fill me with joy like babies

By David McElroy · July 3, 2018

I heard Mila before I saw her. The restaurant was empty a few minutes ago except for a handful of employees and me. But I heard Mila cry, so I knew there was a baby in the house.

I’d seen pictures of Mila before, but I’d never seen her in person. She was born almost 4 months ago to one of the managers here and I’d been wanting to meet her. Her father was called into work, so he had to drop her off with her mom while someone came to pick her up. In the 15 minutes she was here, I finally got to meet this little bundle of joy and love.

She’s a very serious baby and she seemed to be taking the entire world in with her huge brown eyes. She regarded me with intense curiosity. Then she eagerly took my finger in her tiny hand and squeezed it tightly as she gave me the only smile I saw from her.

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  • Love & Hope — Episode 9:
    The pointless pursuit of perfection

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David likes email, but can’t reply to every message. I get a surprisingly large number of requests for relationship advice — seriously — but time doesn’t permit a response to all of them. (Sorry.)

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Future Photo Display

As part of my effort to rid my life of social media, I will no longer display links to my two Instagram accounts here. Those accounts will be dormant for the time being and will eventually be deleted. I plan to have a method for displaying photos here instead, but the solutions I’ve tested so far have been disappointing. I’m still working on it.

My Instagram

Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 27, 2026 Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 27, 2026
Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 19, 2026 Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 19, 2026
When I got home at midnight Monday, I was doing so When I got home at midnight Monday, I was doing some work in the studio and Oliver wanted to join me, so I showed him around to acclimate him to the place again. He rarely goes in there, but I have pictures of him in that studio on the night I brought him home as a kitten. 😺
Earlier this week, I found two photos of Lucy and Earlier this week, I found two photos of Lucy and me that I had never seen. I loved finding the pictures, but seeing these photos left me thinking about the effect it has on us when we lose an animal we love — and it was also a reminder of how much my life has changed for the last nine months it’s been since I lost her. I wrote an essay about this. You can find it as the most recent post at davidmcelroy.org right now if you’re interested. I really do miss this sweet girl.
When I take lightning pictures, I’m always hoping When I take lightning pictures, I’m always hoping to get just one usable photo, but I got two dramatic images tonight. You might recognize the water tower and communication tower that you’ve seen in many of my sunset photos. This is about a mile from my house in Leeds, which is just east of Birmingham.
For those who are in places where it’s miserably h For those who are in places where it’s miserably hot today, here is a minute of light rain and gentle thunder from my back yard late Saturday afternoon. It’s very relaxing to stand at my back door and watch this, especially since the heat is pretty mild today — 80 degrees (about 26 celsius) — for July in the American South.
Alex was willing to cooperate with me for a new po Alex was willing to cooperate with me for a new portrait late Wednesday night. It’s been roughly three and a half years now since the cold night when I was able to lure him out from behind a garbage dumpster into a trap — but I don’t think he’s sorry at this point that he fell for the trick. 😺
This is the face of a man who’s thrilled that the This is the face of a man who’s thrilled that the weekend is finally here. It was a very long (and productive) week, but the time has finally come that I have time to write and read and think. Late Friday night, I’m at the McDonald’s near my house with a Diet Dr Pepper and a MacBook. For me, it’s like Cheers without the booze.
Donald Trump has figured out who to blame for the Donald Trump has figured out who to blame for the the D.C. Reflecting Pool turning green. The dastardly deed was carried out by a specially trained squad of Antifa cats trained by the Far Left. It’s not his fault. Arrest all the cats! #satire #parody
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The tuxedo girl has been exploring the house that The tuxedo girl has been exploring the house that she has access to (the parts away from the three boys). My leading candidate to be her name at this point is Meg (after Meg Murry, the protagonist in “A Wrinkle in Time”). She seems to be adjusting very quickly.
The new tuxedo girl is far too “squirmy” at this p The new tuxedo girl is far too “squirmy” at this point for me to get much video of her, but every time she jumps down from my lap, she starts rubbing against my leg, demanding to be picked up again. She’s quickly adjusting. I was also happy to hear her using a litter box for the first time since I brought her inside 36 hours ago.
I have the tuxedo girl in a carrier and I’m giving I have the tuxedo girl in a carrier and I’m giving the other cats a chance to come around to see her if they want to. Oliver has been watching her. Sam came briefly, but he ran off. There’s been no hissing so far, so that’s a good start.
Well, the tuxedo boy turns out to be a girl, but t Well, the tuxedo boy turns out to be a girl, but the good news is that she’s healthy. We gave her a treatment to make sure there were no hidden parasites, inside or out. She had no ID chip, so we still have no reason to think she has a home. She weighed 9 pounds and the vet estimated that she’s about two years old.
This little guy is confused — and I don’t blame hi This little guy is confused — and I don’t blame him. This is presumably his first night inside a house, so everything is new to him, including the smells and noises. He keeps coming to me to ask to be picked up, at which point he purrs hard, but then he quickly decides he wants down. But once I put him down, he demands to be picked up again. He seems to be trying to decide what to think about this bizarre development. As I told him earlier, I would be just as confused and concerned if I were suddenly removed from the environment I’d always known and held against my will. I suspect he’ll be happy with the long-run results, but I feel bad for him tonight.
If all goes according to schedule, the stray tuxed If all goes according to schedule, the stray tuxedo cat will be going to my vet for an evaluation Tuesday. He’s in the house this evening for some more acclimation to the environment — separated from my other three cats, of course — and he seems cautious but reasonably happy so far.
From the CritterCam: Early Sunday afternoon, Sam w From the CritterCam: Early Sunday afternoon, Sam was asleep in the cat bad on my desk and Alex was sleeping on the desk next to him when some noise outside the side of the house caught their attention.
From the CritterCam: I’ve really been seeing Sam’s From the CritterCam: I’ve really been seeing Sam’s confidence grow lately and that makes me happy. The webcam caught this video tonight that shows Alex asleep in a cat bed on my desk when Sam decided he wanted the same bed. Sam got part of the way into the bed, waiting until Alex decided to strike back — and then he chased Alex out of the spot and went to sleep. This was originally about three minutes long, and I cut out the dead parts to make it slightly more than a minute. Sam has been totally intimidated of the other two for most of the last two years, so this is new.
The stray tuxedo cat is hanging out inside my hous The stray tuxedo cat is hanging out inside my house again Friday evening. My current plan is to take him to my vet Tuesday — after Labor Day Monday — and then start the process of acclimating him to my cats. Those three are not going to be happy campers, but it should end well eventually.
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Briefly

There’s nothing socially acceptable that’s as dangerous as drinking alcohol. Most people grow up being told to “drink responsibly” — and all of us see people abusing this drug in one way or another — but the truth is that drinking alcohol is always a terrible risk. The alcohol in these drinks is toxic and the human liver has to work hard to filter the toxins out. What most people don’t realize is that alcohol is classified as a known carcinogen by the World Health Organization — because of the well-established connection between imbibing and various cancers. Many people have taken refuge behind the idea that light or moderate drinking might be safe, but a new study shows that drinking even one drink a day increases the risks of 10 types of cancer. When I was a teen-ager, I looked around and saw the negative effects that this behavior had on a lot of people and decided not to start drinking, so I’ve never even tried this poison. The evidence keeps piling up that I was lucky to have come to that conclusion early.

It hasn’t happened yet, but there’s a possibility that I might be taking in a fourth feline. A couple of months ago, a cat-loving neighbor asked whether I’d seen a “tuxedo cat” hanging out in the neighborhood. I hadn’t, but this guy eventually wandered past my house a few weeks later — and we haven’t been able to find evidence that he has a home. I’ve been giving him water and food for the last week and he finally let me pet him two nights ago. He’s purred for me two nights in a row and he let me take a low-quality selfie with him Thursday night. Tonight, though, he let me pick him up and bring him inside to look around. This went surprisingly well, as you can see from this photo. I don’t know whether he’ll be joining the family, but I’m certain that Alex, Oliver and Sam would vote no, at least until they get to know him. I’m trying to make certain he doesn’t have a home, but if he does join us, what do you suppose his name will be?

It turns out that the radical far left has been training “Antifa cats” to sabotage anything important to Donald Trump. Everything he did was perfect. Honest. It was all the cats’ fault. Arrest all the cats! This is the latest of my ridiculous satirical shorts. Please go watch it. Then “like” it and subscribe. Please. I’m begging you. (Too much?) Although a couple of the previous videos have had views in the hundreds, most have still been seen by fewer than 20 people. So I seem to be having trouble letting people know that page exists.

Here’s the latest of my ridiculous parody shorts. It crossed my mind Tuesday to wonder what a slick and fast-talking car dealer might do right now to try to turn the high price of gasoline to his advantage. So I conceived of a fat and lovable character who tried to sell cars that don’t use any fuel — and then I started wondering if it would be funnier if all the characters were felines. Designing the King Cashpaw character took about four hours, but the rest took only another four hours, so this was a relatively quick piece that virtually wrote itself. I know it’s almost impossible for these parody videos to find a larger audience, but at least they amuse me — and there are 19 of them on my YouTube page now. The first few were very limited, but they’re getting more complex.

The Republican Party is dead. It still exists in name, of course, but it’s nothing but a shell. All that’s left are idiots and stooges and con men of the MAGA party. When Donald Trump is gone — which won’t be long — those populist idiots and pragmatic fools will have no one to follow. Democrats will thrive. They will take more power than ever and they will push the federal government further to the radical far left than ever. When that happens, don’t just blame Trump if you’re a conservative. Blame every person who has claimed to be a conservative and has given up on principles, character and everything else that Republicans once claimed to stand for. As someone who worked as a GOP political consultant for many years, this is disgusting and disturbing to me. Those who have enabled Trump to have almost unchecked power are going to be shocked when they see what they will unleash in the long run. It’s been plain all along what this narcissistic con man is. It’s your fault that you chose to pretend not to see what he really is.

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