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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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Why am I disappointed in others, when my secret sins lay hidden?

By David McElroy · May 24, 2019

Human beings constantly disappoint me.

I don’t mean to feel disappointed. In fact, I don’t expect that much out of most people, because I know human nature all too well. But I find myself having higher expectations for some people. And it hurts me when I’m disappointed.

I found out at dinner tonight that a friend has been cheating on his wife. I didn’t even know that my dinner companion knew this guy, but his name came up and she filled me in on some disturbing developments in his life. There were apparently multiple women involved before the cheating was discovered. His wife and children now know about it. A divorce is pending.

This is someone I thought I knew. I thought I knew his values. I thought I understood his priorities. But it appears I was wrong.

The news upset me enough that the rest of our dinner was a blur. Part of me wanted to feel outrage, but I realized it was mostly the hurt of disappointment. I was disappointed that someone I’ve respected didn’t live up to my expectations.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: disappointment, forgiveness, grace, jesus, sin

Life’s path can change direction when you’re ready for real love

By David McElroy · May 23, 2019

I didn’t recognize Walter when I saw him at a gas station last week. That’s understandable since I hadn’t seen him for 15 years, but there was something else — something more basic.

When I knew Walter, he was addicted to pills and alcohol. He lived down the street from me. He was unhappily married and had turned to substances to numb his pain. By the time his wife left him and they lost their home, he looked like a bum most of the time. I never knew what became of him.

The man who called out my name at the gas station looked nothing like a bum. There was something familiar about his eyes, but my memory couldn’t place him. I had to ask who he was.

After he told me, I smiled and shook his hand. He was sitting in a Mercedes looking like a business executive, not like a bum or an addict. We chatted for a couple of moments as I stood there, but I couldn’t ask the real question on my mind. He knew what I must be wondering, though.

“I guess I look a little different than the last time you saw me, huh?” he said with a smile.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: change, love, psychology, romance

My drive to be perfect led to lack of compassion for self and others

By David McElroy · May 21, 2019

I have a long history of being unkind to the person I know best.

I’ve belittled myself. I’ve called myself stupid. I’ve shamed myself for being ugly. I’ve screamed at myself in my head for making self-destructive decisions. I’ve constantly criticized my blindness when I haven’t noticed problems in time to fix them. Every time I have been less than perfect, I’ve been there to shame myself about it.

Even though this behavior has been with me for as long as I can remember, I didn’t realize what I was doing until recently. And this realization has started giving me compassion for myself in a way I’ve never known.

It’s taken me many years to piece together the mosaic of who I am and how I became what I am. One moment in a psychologist’s office about 15 years ago was a key moment in that process, though.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: compassion, empathy, family, father, perfectionism, psychology

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This was the sunset I saw from the parking lot out This was the sunset I saw from the parking lot outside of the Walmart near my house just after the sun went down Friday evening.
This little parody was inspired by my trip to buy This little parody was inspired by my trip to buy gas a little while ago. Even at a no-name brand, the price was $4.09. If I remember correctly, it was $2.29 a gallon at the same station on the day the war started. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of winning. 🤣
For the best and most sophisticated in lawn care, For the best and most sophisticated in lawn care, check out the sponsor of one of my upcoming YouTube video episodes. 🙃 #parody #threestooges
Have you felt as though you’re living through Grou Have you felt as though you’re living through Groundhog Day lately? Me, too. Here’s a quick-and-dirty political satire I made this evening for fun and stress relief.
About three minutes before sunrise, vibrant color About three minutes before sunrise, vibrant color is poking through the skies to the east of my back yard.
The lights and color might have been more spectacu The lights and color might have been more spectacular a couple of minutes before this, but this was the best view I had of the Monday afternoon sunset from a bridge over I-20 in Moody, Ala.
I just remembered this shot I got a couple of hour I just remembered this shot I got a couple of hours ago of the fading sunset while I was in the Publix parking lot on the way home. If you suddenly find yourself craving Arby’s or Wendy’s, blame the giant icons in the sky, not me. 😃 (BTW, this was with the iPhone’s 8X telephoto lens.) #nature #naturephotography #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I had just pulled into a parking lot Friday night I had just pulled into a parking lot Friday night and was watching traffic through the distortion of the gently falling rain on my car window when I realized that the abstract view I had matched the way I was feeling tonight, so I turned it into a brief abstract video to match my mood.
Get ready for the next great animated Christmas cl Get ready for the next great animated Christmas classic, featuring singing and dancing and danger from Alex, Oliver and Sam. Coming soon to a theater near you. (The funniest part is that if I cared about this as anything more than a Christmas joke, it strikes me as something that could be profitable with the right story development and the right animators.)
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When I got home at midnight, Alex was hiding in a When I got home at midnight, Alex was hiding in a cave of the castle — waiting for Oliver to wander past. Within a minute or so, Oliver came by and Alex pounced. I presume they had been chasing one another before I got home.
It’s after 7 a.m., but all three cats are still as It’s after 7 a.m., but all three cats are still asleep in the office. At least Sam opened his eyes to see what I wanted. The other two were too lazy to even do that. I envy their lifestyle.
It’s almost 2 a.m., but Alex’s purrbox was still w It’s almost 2 a.m., but Alex’s purrbox was still working overtime when he jumped into my lap just now.
I was just eating a sandwich when I suddenly felt I was just eating a sandwich when I suddenly felt as though I was being watched. I looked down in the floor below and found this pair of eyes watching intently. You don’t have to be a feline mind-reader to know that Sam wanted my ham.
Just before lunchtime, Oliver was still napping in Just before lunchtime, Oliver was still napping in the hanging basket of his castle. You can barely see Alex asleep in the little bed on my desk behind him. Sam was sunning himself on a window ledge.
If you need a new guru — or three of them — the fe If you need a new guru — or three of them — the feline masters will be waiting at the Purrvana Institute. This is my latest ridiculous parody. 😺
Alex sometimes enjoys a belly rub — and this Satur Alex sometimes enjoys a belly rub — and this Saturday evening seems to be one of those times. He was back to sleep right after this.
The cats often sit in an office window and watch s The cats often sit in an office window and watch squirrels such as this one in the front yard. As long as the squirrels are in the grass, I can keep up with them, but the picture of the one on a tree trunk (second picture) shows why I sometimes don’t see them as clearly as the cats do. If these little killers were outside, I suspect the squirrel population around here would be thinned out quite a bit. 🙀
I just came into the bedroom to find that Alex had I just came into the bedroom to find that Alex had gotten underneath a black t-shirt that I had thrown onto the bed — and Oliver was investigating what was going on. I don’t think you can hear it on this video, but Alex was purring the entire time. Sam is in the background keeping an eye on what his brothers are doing.
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The Republican Party is dead. It still exists in name, of course, but it’s nothing but a shell. All that’s left are idiots and stooges and con men of the MAGA party. When Donald Trump is gone — which won’t be long — those populist idiots and pragmatic fools will have no one to follow. Democrats will thrive. They will take more power than ever and they will push the federal government further to the radical far left than ever. When that happens, don’t just blame Trump if you’re a conservative. Blame every person who has claimed to be a conservative and has given up on principles, character and everything else that Republicans once claimed to stand for. As someone who worked as a GOP political consultant for many years, this is disgusting and disturbing to me. Those who have enabled Trump to have almost unchecked power are going to be shocked when they see what they will unleash in the long run. It’s been plain all along what this narcissistic con man is. It’s your fault that you chose to pretend not to see what he really is.

We are ruled by the dumbest and most incompetent people among us — and we have a system which allows stupid and irresponsible people to force the costs of their idiocy onto smarter and wiser people. Can we get away with that? Yes, for quite some time. But we eventually reach a point at which the dumbest of the dumb — who are habitual liars and mentally ill fools — lead us to the disasters and destruction that some of us have seen coming for years. We are approaching that point. And yet most of the idiots around us still wave their rhetorical banners of support for the evil people who are leading us to ruin — and all of them point their fingers at someone else, never noticing that their own enthusiastic support of evil is to blame. When things finally fall apart, blame yourself for your blindness to the evil, not whoever happens to be in power when it happens.

I’ve been making some changes to the site lately and there are more changes coming in the days ahead, so don’t be surprised if you some small differences. This is not a wholesale redesign, but rather the addition of some features. Since they’re smarter than I am, I’ve put Oliver and Alex in charge of the technical work, which you can see in this action photo from the control room of our media complex. I recently added a series of landing pages for readers who randomly discover the site from an Internet search. I’ve also changed the YouTube link at the top of the page to go to the new YouTube channel for video essays that reflect things I’ve already published here. (Here’s a little bit about both of the YouTube channels I’m working on.) In addition, I’m trying to move away from using Instagram, so I’m experimenting with photo plug-ins that will eventually allow me to host the pictures — cats, dogs, sunsets, whatever — that I often take. So don’t be surprised to see more changes. Thanks for your patience. Let’s hope Alex and Oliver know what they’re doing.

I have no use for the theocratic and repressive government of Iran. The people who run the country are cruel at best and evil at worst. The Iranian people deserve freedom. But I have no personal quarrel with anybody in Iran. While I’m not thrilled about a future Iranian government having nuclear weapons, I’m just as concerned about nukes in the hands of politicians in Israel, Pakistan, India, China and Russia. I’m not even thrilled with the U.S., Britain and France having them, either, because I don’t trust any politicians to be responsible with such terrible weapons. All I can say with certainty is that American taxpayers have no business attacking Iran, especially since we’re being forced to pay for this attack in order to benefit the politicians of Israel — and nobody else. If Middle Eastern countries want to fight among themselves, that’s none of my business. It’s not the business of the U.S. government, either. I have no quarrel with anybody in Iran — and having the government which claims to represent me launch an unprovoked attack against a sovereign country will only make all Americans less safe in the near future. This attack is poorly conceived and morally unjustified. Remember that when the Iranians launch attacks that we will then condemn as “terrorism.” What the U.S. is doing right now looks like terrorism to me. And let’s not forget that the attack is the latest in a long line of unconstitutional wars by various U.S. presidents — who have no legal power to declare war on their own, according to the U.S. Constitution.

A child having a tantrum understands only one thing: Did I get my way or not? He doesn’t understand the issues involved. He doesn’t understand the reasons that went into a decision. He doesn’t understand any of the things that mature and reasonable adults have to understand in order to live healthy lives. By his reaction to the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling to strike down his disastrous tariff scheme, Donald Trump shows himself to be — once more — a screaming child having a tantrum. Outside the world of mob bosses who expect to get their way every time, normal adults don’t act this way, but Trump isn’t normal. He’s an angry and vengeful man who has narcissistic personality disorder. And we are in danger as a result. Trump doesn’t understand the legal issues involved in this ruling. He doesn’t understand economics. He doesn’t understand rule of law. He doesn’t understand that he can ever be wrong. All he understands is that he didn’t get his way. And he is now a narcissistic and raging little boy who also happens to hold life-and-death power over most humans on this planet. He’s dangerous — and the system which gives him that power is even more dangerous.

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